TOP TEN CADDY COMMENTS

# 10 Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"

# 9 Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth.

# 8 Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."

# 7 Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a 5 iron?"
Caddy : "Eventually."

# 6 Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."

# 5  Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time. It's too much of a distraction.."
Caddy: "It's not a watch - it's a compass."

# 4  Golfer: "How do you like my game ?"
Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I  prefer golf."

# 3  Golfer: "Do you think it's a sin to play on Sunday?"
Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it's a sin on any day."

# 2  Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."
Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."

And  the # 1 Best Caddy Comment.....

Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it's too old."
Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir.*

HELP!

In My Hand I Hold A Ball,
White And Dimpled, Rather Small.
Oh, How Bland It Does Appear,
This Harmless Looking Little Sphere.
By It's Size I Could Not Guess,
The Awesome Strength It Does Possess.
But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell,
I've Wandered Through The Fires Of Hell.
My Life Has Not Been Quite The Same,
Since I Chose To Play This Stupid Game.
It Rules My Mind For Hours On End,
A Fortune It Has Made Me Spend.
It Has Made Me Yell, Curse And Cry,
I Hate Myself And Want To Die.
It Promises A Thing Called Par,
If I Can Hit It Straight And Far.
To Master Such A Tiny Ball,
Should Not Be Very Hard At All.
But My Desires The Ball Refuses,
And Does Exactly As It Chooses.
It Hooks And Slices, Dribbles And Dies,
And Even Disappears Before My Eyes.
Often It Will Have A Whim,
To Hit A Tree Or Take A Swim.
With Miles Of Grass On Which To Land,
It Finds A Tiny Patch Of Sand.
Then Has Me Offering Up My Soul,
If Only It Would Find The Hole.
It's Made Me Whimper Like A Pup,
And Swear That I Will Give It Up.
And Take To Drink To Ease My Sorrow,
But The Ball Knows ... I'll Be Back Tomorrow.

Actual Golf Club Sign Posted At A Golf Club In Scottsdale Arizona

1. Back Straight, Knees Bent, Feet & Shoulder Width Apart.

2. Form A Loose Grip.

3. Keep Your Head Down!

4. Avoid A Quick Back Swing.

5. Stay Out of the Water.

6. Try Not to Hit Anyone.

7. If You Are Taking Too Long, Let Others Go Ahead of You.

8. Don't Stand Directly In Front of Others.

9. Quiet Please...While Others Are Preparing.

10. Don't Take Extra Strokes.
    
    WELL DONE.  NOW, FLUSH THE URINAL, GO OUTSIDE & TEE OFF.